{"id":464,"date":"2006-12-24T08:56:33","date_gmt":"2006-12-24T18:56:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/?p=464"},"modified":"2019-02-13T08:08:55","modified_gmt":"2019-02-13T16:08:55","slug":"twas-the-night-before-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"‘Twas the Night Before Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here is a funny parody on the traditional “Twas the Night Before Christmas”…<\/strong><\/p>\n

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
\nNot a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
\nThe computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
\nAs Papa did some last-minute Internet shopping. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
\nIn hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
\nThe children were nestled all snug in their beds,
\nWhile visions of computer games danced in their heads.<\/p>\n

LocoRoco for Billy, and Gears of War for Dan,
\nAnd the new Super Mario for Pamela Ann.
\nThe letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
\nTo santastoyshop@northpole.com…<\/p>\n

But had been re-routed to the United States
\nBecause Santa's workshop had been bought by Bill Gates.
\nAll the elves and reindeer had to skedaddle
\nTo flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.<\/p>\n

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
\nSt. Nicholas is suddenly a billionaire,
\nWith a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
\nAnd a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
\nFrom where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
\nIn black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
\nThe elves have stock options and desks with a view,
\nWhere they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.<\/p>\n

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums
\n(ahem – pardon me)
\nNo more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
\nWill be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
\nWith the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
\nFrom now on Christmas runs only on Windows 95.<\/p>\n

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
\nAnd Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
\n‘Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
\nNow, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,<\/p>\n

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
\nIt's the ultimate software with a traditional twist –
\nRecommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
\nAnd on the package, a picture of Santa himself.<\/p>\n

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
\nAnd a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
\nTo the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
\nNow dash away! dash away! dash away – wow!'<\/p>\n

And Mama in her ‘kerchief and I in my cap,
\nHad just settled down for a long winter's nap,
\nWhen out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
\nThe whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,
\nAs it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
\nThe SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
\nAs I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
\nMy computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.<\/p>\n

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
\nNext to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
\nAnd I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
\nHave a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS,
\nand TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here is a funny parody on the traditional “Twas the Night Before Christmas”…<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":577,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1229],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n'Twas the Night Before Christmas - RosalindGardner.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"'Twas the Night Before Christmas - RosalindGardner.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here is a funny parody on the traditional "Twas the Night Before Christmas"...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"RosalindGardner.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/RosalindGardnerOnline?ref=hl\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/RosalindGardnerOnline\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2006-12-24T18:56:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-02-13T16:08:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rosalind Gardner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@rosalindgardner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@rosalindgardner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rosalind Gardner\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/\",\"name\":\"'Twas the Night Before Christmas - RosalindGardner.com\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2006-12-24T18:56:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-02-13T16:08:55+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e1a2787f4571b58c05f7c8cd6a98fa9f\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/twas-the-night-before-christmas\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"‘Twas the Night Before Christmas\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"RosalindGardner.com\",\"description\":\"Learn Blogging & Affiliate Marketing with Rosalind Gardner\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/e1a2787f4571b58c05f7c8cd6a98fa9f\",\"name\":\"Rosalind Gardner\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/rosalindgardner.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/76d7f9fe48227e9a6f4b6c1d3f786941?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/76d7f9fe48227e9a6f4b6c1d3f786941?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Rosalind Gardner\"},\"description\":\"Super affiliate, blogger, and speaker, Rosalind is best known for her affiliate marketing training in the Super Affiliate Handbook: How I made $436,797 in One Year Selling Other Peoples' Stuff Online. 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